So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
