is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
