there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We left the knife in your bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
