is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
