this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
