I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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