My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
