somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
