You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
