Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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