So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
