at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
