And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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