the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
