I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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