you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
