Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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