I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
