I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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