Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
