last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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