you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
zippers are such a cool invention
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
