I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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