What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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