someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I understand Curling. That high.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Two words: blizzard sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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