I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
