I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
