I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
