Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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