mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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