When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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