I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize