I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
