strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
