I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he thought i was a dude.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
