So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
