i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I pour the whiskey from now on
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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