420 ftw
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
