I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
