Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
