Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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