I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ugly people sure do ruin things
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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