Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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