I wish my penis had an off switch
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize