Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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