I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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