Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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