But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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