Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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