u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
