i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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