Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Cover your peen. We're going out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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