Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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