I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
