the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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