it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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