my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
