I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were trust falling into bushes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
