I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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