I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
