i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think i have two assholes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
