My underwear smells like fireworks.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
