yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
