You just made me feel so damn special
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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