i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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