Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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