Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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