The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
