Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
