i think i have two assholes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
