'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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