he puts the penis in happiness.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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