she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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