Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize