tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
