remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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