so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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