saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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