someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
