This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
