when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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