Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
