my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
